Externalization for Children
One of the most powerful tools we use in child therapy is something called externalization. At first, it might sound like a big therapy word—but really, it’s a simple, kid-friendly way to help children understand and manage their feelings.
What is Externalization?
Externalization means separating the child from the problem. Instead of saying, “I am anxious” or “I am bad at this,” we help children see that the feeling or challenge is something outside of them, not who they are.
For example:
Instead of “I’m an angry kid,” we might say, “It sounds like the Anger Monster shows up sometimes.”
Instead of “I’m shy,” it could be, “Worry likes to keep you quiet when you want to speak up.”
By giving feelings a name, character, or even a drawing, kids learn that they are not the problem. The problem is the problem.
So why does this matter? When kids can see a feeling as something outside of themselves, they no longer feel defined or overwhelmed by it. It becomes something they can talk to, draw, move, or even set boundaries with. By turning the internal into something external, we give kids the language, creativity, and safety they need to explore their big feelings, without shame.
We also teach parents these techniques, so they can use the same language and tools at home. This consistency helps children feel supported in exploring their emotions both inside and outside the therapy room.
How Externalization Helps Kids
Children’s brains are still developing, especially the part that helps them reason and regulate emotions. Big feelings can feel overwhelming or even scary. Externalization gives them:
Relief – They realize they’re not “bad,” they just have a problem that shows up sometimes.
Control – If worry or anger is outside of them, they can find ways to shrink it, outsmart it, or calm it down.
Creativity – Kids love using imagination. Drawing a picture of their “Worry Cloud” or building a “Bossy Bully” out of clay can make therapy fun and empowering.
Language – Externalization gives children words and images to talk about feelings they couldn’t explain before.
What it Looks Like in Therapy
In sessions, I might:
Invite a child to draw their worry and then brainstorm what makes it bigger or smaller.
Use puppets or stuffed animals to act out how anger or sadness shows up in their life.
Help a child write a “rulebook” for how they can take charge when “the Worry Monster” tries to boss them around.
Parents often join in too! A family might start saying, “Oh, it looks like Anger is trying to take over—what can we do together to shrink it?” This shared language makes challenges less personal and more manageable.
Externalization in Everyday Life
Parents and caregivers can use externalization at home, too. Here are some simple ways:
Give feelings a nickname (“Worry Willy,” “Bossy Anger,” “Sad Cloud”).
Talk about the problem as something you can team up against: “Looks like Worry is trying to keep you from sleeping—let’s find a trick to send it away.”
Celebrate victories: “Wow, you really stood up to Worry today when you went to that birthday party!”
Externalization is a gentle but powerful way to help children see that they are not their struggles. It gives them the space to feel capable, brave, and hopeful. When kids learn they can face their worries, fears, or anger as something outside of themselves, they begin to build resilience that lasts a lifetime.